‘ADAM & HIS XMAS EVE’
Adam closed his almond hazel eyes & made a Xmas wish to the Creator to give him something extra special come the Yuletide season as he’d been lonely for quite some time & hadn’t been getting on too well with the Serpent, who was much too consumed with growing Apple trees to be more emotionally available to Adam, who in any event wasn’t much of an Apple guy to begin with & who much favored pears.
After all, it were HE who had first noticed that Partridges, his favorite birds, like hanging out in Pear trees, which was for the lonely Adam, what he liked to call a ‘2 Bird Killer’.
Come the Merry, Magical day of Xmas, he was thrilled beyond words to have discovered, wrapped in a layer of silken, flesh toned gauze & with a lovely Red Bow, a stunningly beautiful WOMAN laying beneath the tinsel & needles of his Xmas tree, which had been ingeniously lit up by the Consenting Fireflies of his bushy, Pear & Partridge filled patch of Eden.
He called her ‘Woman’, not because of any particular visionary foresight, but simply out of the necessary expedience of needing to refer to her as something other than names which hadn’t come about yet since up until that point, there WERE no other people names. So because the very first thing he uttered after unwrapping her was ‘WOAH, MAN’ !!!, he thought until a better idea came along to simply go with it & conjoin the 2 expressions into just ‘Woman’.
And My Sweet Lord, what to call those massive balloon type protrusions beneath her nipples ? “THANK YOU JESUS !”, though Jesus hadn’t yet been born, but since Adam hadn’t had much in the way of education, this he couldn’t have known.
Those captivating, nipple capped protrusions were much larger than were his AND, he discovered in real time their capacity for turning his Penis into a much differently shaped beast that it had heretofore presented itself to him as, since up until then, he’d only seen it as something through which to eject excess water !
As well as something that appeared to him to have been rather disinterested in his usual day to day comings & goings & ‘Early to Rise, Early to Pass Out’ Garden-Centric affairs.
When he had prayed his wish towards the Creator’s Mercy, he never could have imagined an improved version of himself, even though he thought he might’ve himself ‘fixed’ her a little by fashioning something to attach to that strange, but fascinating gap in her lower frontal region so as to enable her to expel water the same as he were capable of, knowing that WHEN YOU GOTTA GO, YOU GOTTA GO’ & you don’t play games with these kind of mysteries.
She even seemed to inspire new language as he watched her slowly come to life as if out of a long, satisfying slumber, while through his mind transited the thought, ‘WOW, THOSE INCREDIBLE TITTIES’ ! He knew not at all what that word meant, yet somehow it made sense by sounding right & being easy to remember.
She drew in a deep breath & with every breath thereafter, Adam came to, for the very first time began to appreciate his maiden experience with the notion of ‘Diversity’. And as he likewise began the slowly evolving arc of the loss of his grip on ‘Innocence’, his own personal serpent attachment began to stir in a way that rapidly served to fill in the cracks of Adam’s knowledge (& his woman’s body) about the ‘multiplicitous’ diversions to which his appendage could be creatively applied.
And with Carnal Knowledge making its misty eyed & almost desperate debut, the Serpent, Steve, witnessed from his Apple tree, coming up from within his own deep cellular levels, an ENVY that he had not yet been called to meditate upon. He had no female companion with whom to compare & entwine bodies with & besides, he had to face the unyielding fact that:
SNAKES DON’T HAVE TITS.
And this instigated within the the Serpent a determination to exact REVENGE.
He was never in fact that fond of Adam & thought that all he did anyway was to wander around the blessed Garden, looking stoned out of his mind & picking his nose, while scratching his balls & complaining about his allergies. But with this new unfolding revelation that he was now outnumbered by humanoids, he vowed to extrapolate RUIN & SABOTAGE & to sow DISCORD (if not ‘Dat’ Cord) between these 2 naked & entranced apes. In his serpentine mind, the Garden of Eden was HIS domain, with Adam just a useful idiot at his immediate & conniving disposal.
And he knew that with his natural reptilian powers of mesmerizing ‘lesser beings’ into Theta States of Mumbling Gibberish & Speculative Nonsense, it was only a matter of time & application before he would corner Eve beneath his gaze & plant the seeds of his spell near the Apple tree & Worm his wicked way into the Core of her yet stillborn, but awakening consciousness.
And it were Steve, the Serpent, who gave her the name ‘EVE’, a no brainer since she was opened & freed from her larvae like encasement on Xmas Eve. So EVE it was. But also because it rhymed with his own moniker, STEVE, though he was born with the name ‘Cecil’ but preferred Steve since he never liked Cecil. He also never told Adam the true cause of his often searing Rib Cage inflammation in those times when the first man would be torn from the dreamland of sleep by a blazing discomfort, which would heal at some point, though not a moment too soon.
As it happened, the Great & Awesome Creator had made Adam’s Xmas request come to fruition by waiting until Adam had been wasted on Elderberry Wine & ‘Calvados’ & pulling some of his DNA & Bone Matter from one of his sides while he lay snoring fitfully on the other.
Sometimes the serpent would chuckle his slithering laugh overhearing Adam talking in his sleep & crying out loud, ‘I AM NOT A HOMO’ ! Which bemused the serpent mightily since it would often tease Adam by calling him ‘HOMO’ while never revealing for the historical record what KIND of ‘Homo’ Adam qualified as.
‘SAPIENS’, ‘ERECTUS’ ? WHO KNEW ?
Adam was never explained these things but was certain that that damned serpent was fucking with him. Though, in the company of Eve, ‘Erectus’ felt closer to his truth.
However, since none of this was shared with Adam, Ignorance often being a gift from the Gods, the first dude continued calling his wondrous Rib Bearing Transplant recipient ‘Woman’, which did begin at some point to annoy her broader, burgeoning sense of who she might’ve felt herself to have been, besides the singularity of someone else’s lack of imagination.
The Serpent’s first act of deviance was to begin incrementally introducing the idea of ‘SHAME’. And whereas before Eve had proudly frolicked in the Garden in a sensuous swoon, with Adam’s lustful entreaties entrancing & arousing her, NOW she began instead to feel an encroaching embarrassment & soon found herself stitching Eden harvested materials together to cover up her ‘JUBBLIES’ & Excitable Bits, while encouraging Adam to do the same.
He complied. ANYTHING, if it kept her happy. And available.
But it wasn’t too long before Eve also realized the motivational power in keeping herself concealed from her man in order to extract favors & designed behavior from him, as was according to the snake’s masterful plan, & so from Eve’s realization of this optional tool at her disposal (akin to having seen firsthand the effect that a Fresh Carrot has on a Horse), was first born the concept humans would one day begin to refer to as ‘Quid Pro Quo’, while from Adam mankind received its first inklings of the concept of ‘BEGGING’.
And unfulfilled desire, now known in some parts of the woods as ‘Blue Balls’.
THE END !
MERRY CHRISTMAS
& HAPPY HOLIDAYS
2022
& A Happy New Year !
Sananda Maitreya !
Thursday, 22 December 2022, Milano, Italia.
Edited by W. Marmoset Yarn for TreeHouse Publishing & Eidmar Productions. & ‘Shoot First & Ask Christian Slater’ Productions, with whom we have as of yet No ‘Official Affiliation’, but in any event, WE WISH HIM A MERRY XMAS & HAPPY HOLIDAYS !
Picture courtesy of L.A. Raulston on Flickr.
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This Story Dedicated to Terry Hall, who with his band ‘The Specials’ helped to usher into Music a new face & look (as well as sound) & to American Football legend Franco Harris, one of the great heroes of my youth.
And thanx for having taken the time to read ‘Adam & His Xmas Eve’ !
SM !
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© Sananda Maitreya for TreeHouse Publishing, December 22nd 2022.