TreeHouse Publishing & Rambunctious Functions Presents: ‘FERNANDO’

Further Extemporizations as it May Pertain to The Hypothesis of Hippopotamus, This & That, and other Didactic Excursions, into the Time Flow of Multiple & Alternate Realities (As it May or may Not Affect Retail).


So there we stood, at the threshold of our latest crisis. For artists, crisis is as necessary as going to bed in winter, with a hot water bottle, and from it, we create. But suffice to attest, this particular crisis grabbed my full attention, and took me for a nice long trip.

It had come to our attention via the internet, that I may have been in fact replaced quite a few years ago, and so were in effect, not ‘Sananda’ but ‘Fernando’ (a False Sananda), a credible lookalike who ‘took over’ when Sananda, freshly minted, was abducted by the C.I.A.(And/Or)/ Aliens several years ago, shortly thereafter announcing his new identity.

And you never know how much sense something makes UNTIL you start chasing it. And the more I read, the more research, the more plausible. And it actually began to fill in some blanks that perhaps my memory had been programmed to erase. It explained so many things! The Blackouts, The ‘Imposter Syndrome’, the Time Lapses, the Overarching Refrain Reverberating & Echoing from my ‘Mentals’, that something of Immense Value had been Sucked from the Veins of my Time Line. Nothing to put one’s finger on, but a fingerprint as big as a truck.

And my wife DID seem different (was she too replaced?), while my sons often looked right through me as were I not there. Did they too suspect that their papa was a ‘False Sananda’? And if I AM still Sananda, then why are my family so easy to accept ‘Fernando’ as my replacement?


And from the Bowels of this Rabbit Hole, as one does, we began to doubt our existence, and to question just how deep the hypnosis, how paralyzing the analysis. We knew that ‘Identity’, such as it was, could be as a Brick, or a Wave, as solid or as mutable as needed. And Who the Hell was Sananda Anyway? Maybe I deserve this life and he didn’t. Though, there ARE many times where we have to wonder, whether or not what we are encouraged to accept as reality, might not be but one of realities many doors. And that realities may at times overlap and interact with other realities, as there may also be composite realities, and they may all but be gears on a larger wheel. Face it, we can only really trust what experience teaches us, so believing only in what we are TOLD, will always be a gamble, a crap shoot, and a cowards way through. Whoever WE were, it were decided that this life wouldn’t be let go of easily, they would have to pry it from my highly surveilled, cold dead hands.

And if we are NOT Sananda, and he shows back up, then he might better bring some paperwork, a lawyer, and a DAMN good explanation. And if I am instead, a ‘Fernando’, then I shouldn’t be blamed. I didn’t kidnap him, and I don’t remember working for any Intelligence agencies off the top of my head, though I do experience ‘Missing Time’ episodes and at times can hear a small slight buzzing sound coming from my brain. And if the rumors are true that I am a ‘Sleeper Agent’, then my question to you is; “Aren’t We All?” “Sananda was a soldier. He knew what he was getting into when he signed up for the situation. And I’m sure that wherever he is, they are looking after him well. IF he is still alive.”

So you can see where we were in our mind for a while. During which time, we reached out to our good friend George Michael and asked him whether or not he thought I was an imposter. Pausing slightly uncomfortably for but a moment, he replied to the effect that in his mind, HIS good friend had already been replaced before the 90’s, the giveaway being the shoes, and how his ‘smirk’ moved from favoring the left side of his mouth to the right. Thanking him for his Blunt Analysis, our call ended. I can’t say that I blame him, as it Certainly Holds True that when YOU are Not Sure, Others are Less Sure. Again, when the Loins are Uncertain, the Whole of the Jungle is. And it is much better NOT to have to ask others who you are, it gets confusing. And if you are not sure that your wife is your wife, and you are not yourself, then she is somebody else’s wife, ENJOY IT!

I then contacted my wonderful friend, the ‘Existentialist Rock Artist’ Polly Mathis. She calls herself what she does, because she doesn’t release ‘Music’, she instead releases TITLES of Songs, and encourages her fans to imagine for themselves what the song might be, how it might go. She ‘Collaborates’ (and has had several hits, one of which was the monumental “ Yes We Khan, Tell the Difference between Genghis & Chaka”), so she is revered by her surprisingly large and growing audience for her trust in their intelligence. And she is also quite regarded by her Record Distributers for the extremely low recording budgets. Most of the monies are spent on the Artwork. Surprised at my naiveté, she told me that she herself kept 2 replacements. One, for heavy touring and promotional exercises, and the other one was well kept in a Cloister in Switzerland in case she ever needs a liver or kidney transplant, or worse, starts to look too old. Which in her case might be affected by the ongoing battle with her mother for control of her mind.

I cannot say as of yet that I am convinced one way or another concerning the theory of my abduction and replacement. There are days when I am sure that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, and everything is. I am also with each elastic dawn more and more convinced that it doesn’t really matter. I love My/His life! And want to taste a little more of it! And None of Us are Who We Are, until we Stop Looking for Who We Are.

Though time in its expanding graces may yet reveal, that the far GREATER moral to this affair is that, UNDER WHATEVER NAME, once they start giving you Free Clothes & Accessories, you pretty much tend to go along with whatever program you are being bribed towards. After all, once your identity starts getting you FREE STUFF, you’ve arrived.

Sometimes in life, as in death, you have to take the Bull by the Horn Section, and to remember that just because you lead a Horse to Water, doesn’t make him a Sea Horse if he gets Wet.

Quid Iuvat Idem Erit? ( ‘What Purpose Does Identity Serve’?), asked the drunken priest through Google translates, while reminding himself that indeed, sometimes, IGNORANCE IS BLISTERING.

SANANDA (or ‘Fernando’?) MAITREYA!

P.S. This story was meant to include an appearance by one of Zooathalon’s beloved characters, LATE NIGHT NATE, our wise OWL friend. But his character was suspended under the suspicion that he may have tested positive for LITERARY STEROIDS, and that he may have been emphatically overwritten and overstated as a result. He suggests that it is all a misunderstanding that will be sorted out soon. He also through spokespersons claims that he is being persecuted by several enemies for having invested large sums of money in GLOBAL COOLING. Sometimes, the money goes the OTHER way. Our good friend DID however recoup some of his losses with the merchandising of his Pro Nature slogan on T-Shirts and Coffee Mugs, ‘FOREST (Or Against Us)’.

Ps Thank you for your very encouraging response to Chapter 1 and the ‘Introducing Sananda Tour 2014’ news. See you soon!

MILANO 3rd March 2014